How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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