oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
