i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
