yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
