okay pat passed out under dana's car
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
