The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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