help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
