wakey wakey hands off snakey
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
