i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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