I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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