xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm just crazy horny about you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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