So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
