It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
