Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
