Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Screwed.edu
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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