dude i'm inner monologue high
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
