Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
