Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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