R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
