She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Mom said you looked used
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
