She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
