12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
