i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it because I queefed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
