life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
