Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
