Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
