girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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