some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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