Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
