Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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