Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
