so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
