Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
