I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just invented taco cereal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
