I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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