Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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