It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
two words: eviction party
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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