so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
