I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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