Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
