For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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