Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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