i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
