Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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