1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
