i just wanna soil my oats bro
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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