At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
