It's Friday. Sex?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
