Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
