My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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